Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
