OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
