I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
