i will never coherently bang her
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
