Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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