I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
