everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
