and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
