saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
