fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
