am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i barfeds in our rink
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
