Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
