the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
