I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
