Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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