You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize