I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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