i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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