when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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