Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
