I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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