my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the condom got lost in my hair
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
