Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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