she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
