I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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