I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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