that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
