did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize