3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
