I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
