i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
