Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
