I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
