i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
