cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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