There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
