And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
