So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
