I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
