I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize