just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
