I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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