So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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