Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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