She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
