i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
