As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
