Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
