And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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