Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
