If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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