I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
