Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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