This is not my ceiling
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
