she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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