its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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