She is in my trunk
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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