A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
