Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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