Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
