I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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