Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
