I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
