i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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