Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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