Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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