Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The beer is more important than you right now.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
