Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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